PREGNANCY DURING THE PANDEMIC PART 2

By Sha: Amsterdam, the Netherlands 

There I was,  heartbroken, my second miscarriage within a couple of months from each other (Part 1). How was that possible? And why was it happening to me? The pandemic hit the world hard. But having two miscarriages hit me harder. My general practitioner said she would like me to visit a gynecologist but we would have to wait until the Covid-19 restrictions are lifted (at that point only emergencies were being dealt with).

Everybody was trying to get through this period in the best way they could.  Most people I know were definitely scared in the beginning. Not knowing anything about something can cause great fear. People stopped visiting each other and were afraid of being infected or infecting someone (especially the elders). The strong social contacts that I onced had were gone. I had no one to really talk to about what was going on with me and how I felt. 

Ramadan was about to start and it would be the first time I would be fasting after 2 years (you are not obligated to fast during pregnancy and breastfeeding). I decided to dedicate all my time into having a good Ramadan. The days went by fast and were fulfilling. However, the idea of being pregnant was still non-stop in my head. Ramadan passed and along came Eid al fitr the celebration at the end of Ramadan). Before heading out to visit family, I decided to take a pregnancy test. There wasn't any reason to take a test, my period wasn't for another two weeks. Bu, wouldn't it be a wonderful gift, figuring out I'm pregnant on Eid al fitr?

Unfortunately, the test was negative. Ofcourse I was disappointed, but it was my own fault. I shouldn't test until I'm at least a week late. I repeated it to myself, wait until a week after your period is due. Before that point, there is no reason to test. Stay calm, be patient and good things will come. 

I was definitely not calm and certainly not patient! A friend of mine had about 30 pregnancy tests that she didn't need anymore (she bought them when she was trying to conceive, she gave birth to a baby girl a couple of months ago and had a bunch of left over pregnancy tests), she was one of the few people I told about my miscarriages and sent the tests to me by postal mail. 

So it was easy for me to pee on a stick every chance I got. Why am I like this? I would ask myself. But had no answer. I just really want to see those two beautiful stripes on that stick. The two weeks passed by and I didn't have a positive test but my period didn't arrive either. Every day that I was late, I tried a test in the morning and a test at night. Every test was negative. What was going on with me and my body? 

June 2nd it's a hot summer day. I'm in the backyard preparing for a visit from a friend, that friend that was in Curacao while I was in Zanzibar (see blog). I haven't seen her in months and really want to tell her what I'm going through. I blew up an inflatable pool for my son, his chalk is laid out and I also put some fresh sand in his sandbox. The garden furniture is set as well. My son is taking his afternoon nap and my friend will be here any second. 

I'll just go to the bathroom and pee before she arrives. I go upstairs to the bathroom and I see the last pregnancy test laying there. Should I take the test? Ofcourse I should!

I pee on the stick as usual and leave it on the sink. I hear the doorbell, she's here! Let me wash my hands and open the door for her. While washing my hands, I look down and my eyes fall upon the test. 

TWO STRIPES! I'M PREGNANT! 

I hear crying, gotta run!